The smoke and dust are starting to clear in my small, northwest town after the roving bands of same-sex engaged couples looted shops and tore down goal posts, overturning cars and setting fire to bibles. Across the country, millions of gay celebrants shut down the economy, waving pseudo ISIS flags depicting disgusting sex toys. Rainbow–clad-60-something-same-sex couples picketed in Kansas outside the Westboro Baptist Church and chanted “neener, neener” while hugging and kissing each other with serpent-like tongues while Facebook turned everyone’s profile picture into a Skittle bag.
The end of the freaking world has come! The apocalypse is swirling down from heaven on the wings of the four horsemen and the fallen angels of Satan’s armies are rising from the bowels of the earth to consume the wicked nine old men and women who have defiled God’s most holy of holies by letting more people seek comfort in it.